Thanksgiving

This year we gave thanks to peas. We finally found a food the babies both like. They will not remember their first Thanksgiving, but thanks to Sony, they won't have to.

Laughing Babies

Where to begin? Keillor is over 16 pounds, with Emaline not far behind. They are still not big fans of eating with a spoon, but we have been practicing. We haven't found a food they like yet, although Emaline did laugh her way through a bowl of carrots--most of them ended up on her bib. Bananas got scowls. Green beans earned looks of anguish. We hear peas tend to be baby favorites. We'll see.
Bath time is everyone's favorite time of day. Emaline likes to lean into the water and drink it. Keillor likes to lay on his back and kick. I have great video of him swimming, but Aimee won't let me put it on the blog on account of his bird showing and all. Still, you can imagine a naked little boy doing the backstroke.
After bath time, they are ready for bed, even if they haven't finished their dinner. Many a night, Keillor sleep eats like he's on an Ambien bender.
They are up at 5 a.m. (if not sooner), and ready for breakfast. It's amazing how absolutely and completely happy I am to see them in the morning when we wake up, or in the afternoon when I pick them up from daycare. Sure, I'm happy to put them to bed and drink a glass of wine, but seeing them is this amazing experience every single time.
Updating this blog is much easier when we don't have 5,000 other responsibilities. We used to keep a journal, too. So much for that. Now we're asleep by 8:30, speaking of which...
I have been trying to take plenty of photos and video. I have captured them laughing, playing with their feet, looking at each other, and pooping.
Here is a little taste (of video, not poop):

H.A. double L. O. W. double E. N. spells Halloween

Henry Webb brought his folks over to our house on Halloween. The plan was to go to the Wilmore Treats on Main festival and show off our progeny. However, as soon as we got them fed and into their costumes, they were asleep.
We spent Halloween eating chili and talking at the kitchen table. The chirrun spent it sleeping.
Still, we put them in their costumes the next day so we could take photos.
The end of Daylight Saving Time (or the beginning--I forget) had no effect on the twins. They still went to sleep at the same time and woke up at the same time. Of course, we tried to tell them that the time changed, but they didn't listen: "It's four o'clock in the morning," I'd say. "No, daddy, it's five," they'd reply. They just don't get it. This time change may have been a blessing though. They have been going to sleep at 6:30 instead of 7:30, but for the past couple of days, they have been waking up between 5 a.m. and 6. Sleepy babies.

More from the Mind of Grandmommy

Emaline Bot Malfunction

We first began to suspect Emaline might be a robot when her diaper smelled like battery acid. Then there was the time we could have sworn she said, "affirmative." This video leaves no doubts that not only is she a cyborg baby, but she is malfunctioning.

Mommy Monkey Madness

Mommy Mau and Monkey try to teach the twins how to roll over.

Keillor saw this show on Discovery Channel about performance artists on the Vegas strip. He really liked the one with the guy who escaped from a lycra tube. He is now practicing his own performance, which he calls "Chrysalis." We want to support our children, so we told him we'd put it on the blog.

Grandmommy the Artist

Grandmommy has branched out artistically, and can now add graphic design to her resume. Below are some of her most recent works. Please enjoy:

Rice Cereal and Sleep Routines

At their four month check-up last week, the twins checked out A-OK. Emaline weighed 13 pounds, 1.8 ounces, was 23 ¾ inches long, and her head was 40.5 cm around. She’s right around the 35th percentile—and that’s for full-term formula-fed singleton babies (in your face FFSB’s).
Keillor weighed 13 pounds, 5.5 ounces, was 24 inches long, and had a head circumference of…wait for it…wait for it…42 cm. He must have the strongest neck muscles of any baby because it must take sinews of steel to lift that melon. While his weight puts him in the 21st percentile, he is in the 41st percentile for cranium size. I hope he doesn’t end up looking like a Brats doll.

Keillor wears a hat to hide his giant brain box

The pediatrician recommended starting Keillor on rice cereal once a day—his tongue is working overtime, and he may be starting to cut teeth. While he likes the rice cereal, it is no substitute for good old fashioned mommy milk. He has to have four ounces before he will eat the cereal. I use the term “eat” loosely, as much of it goes down his chin or onto his fingers. Of course, he does lick the cereal off his fingers, which is the polite thing to do.

Keillor decides he wants to work the spoon

Emaline is not sure about the cereal yet. Still, she is the one who sleeps through the night. Even with a warm bath, full bottle, and bowl of cereal, he is still waking up between midnight and 3 a.m.. This isn’t every night. Every so often, he will trick us and sleep for nine hours.
Establishing a sleep routine with twins is difficult, especially since they spend the day at daycare, but we’ll get there eventually.

Emaline practices pushups during Tummy Time

Tummy Time is much more enjoyable for all. Keillor has been practicing rolling over. He can roll left and right. Emaline is working on push-ups. Tummy Time for her used to mean screaming face-plant time. As for rolling over, she almost did it yesterday. I’ll give her one more week. Geez, I sound like I’m talking about dogs.

Emaline stares at herself in the mirror, while Keillor does his trick

Hey, that's the kid from daycare

I have a theory on why it takes so long for our children to recognize each other. They spend every day together all day. They don't see us that much, yet they have been smiling at us for weeks now.
Here goes: until that point where they look over and smile at the other kid, they don't see that entity as separate from themselves. Keillor is just like Emaline's arm. She is like his leg. These body parts are here, they act independently, and sometimes we get spit-up on them. Then one day we realize that we can control them. This hand can be used to wipe my nose. I can put this one in my mouth. These feet kick things. This, whateveryoucallit, keeps looking at me. Wait, maybe it's not part of me. Maybe it's like the feeder, the rocker, and the diaper changer.

Responsible parents that we are, we set Emaline and Keillor on the couch while we made their bottles. First, Emaline, who was the first to realize that her hands are good for hitting and eating, looked over at her brother. Then Keillor returned the volley, and added a sweeping arm motion.

Button stares at Bug

Their first communication as distinct beings began. My mom, their dear Grandmommy, created a fictional dialogue using these photos. I would put it on the blog, but Grandmommy included a

Keillor sees his sister.

word that, while hilarious, I cannot share with the public. If you want her to share it with you, e-mail her at judie_mcewen@msn.com.

We have had other revelations, but I have been way too busy to update this blog. First, Keillor is a fan of television. Uh, oh. Secondly, they love bedtime stories. The Amazing Tales of Keillor and Emaline send the twins into a dreamy stupor, especially the story of the Sleep Maker, which they have heard a million times already. Finally, they really do look like twins. People are always talking about how Emaline is obviously a girl and Keillor is obviously a boy (again, that's judie_mcewen@msn.com), but get them matching outfits, and the cute factor increases exponentially.

Awe. Are they twins? Do twins run in your family?

I'll leave you with this image:

Sixteen weeks ago, our children were tiny, red, wrinkled knobs of flesh that cried, ate, slept, and peed. They were covered tip to toes with hair and were barely strong enough to use their arms and legs. Keillor was as yellow as Maggie Simpson. Next week is their official four-month birthday. So much development in such a brief period of time. I think I'm going to cry.

Holy Diaper, Batman

I have been to the heart of darkness.

I can still remember their first poops: black, tarry meconium requiring many wipes. Then came the odorless mustard--gross looking and quick to stain, but relatively easy to wipe up. The worst thing about this period was that they pooped every time they ate. Emaline would projectile poop as well. Big deal.

Rice cereal changed everything. Rice cereal makes baby bowels turn into cauldrons of demon potion. The date: September 4, 2009. That was the day that my daughter made me choke. Her poop, the consistency of Grey Poupon, smelled like the only things she had eaten the previous week were onions dipped in mustard. The first wave made me wince. Then the tears began to flow. I tried to make my arms as long as possible, using the tiniest sliver of peripheral vision to avoid eye contact with what can best be described as liquid hatred.

Then came Keillor's poop. His was the consistency of peanut butter, smeared on thick and deadly, an odor brewed over a week's time in the darkness of his tiny colon. I changed two diapers recently, one at midnight, and the other this morning. While both maintained their individual textures and aromas, neither was as putrid as the first AR (in the year of rice cereal) poops.

I have two questions: 1) How can two babies who came from the same womb and eat the same diet have such distinct (emphasis on stinc) bowel movements? and 2) Why do they always do this when I am the one changing the diaper? Aimee can't even remember the last time she changed a poopy diaper. I'm not complaining. She does plenty. I'm just questioning the universe's plan for me.

My sweet children making evil in their diapers

Emaline pretending her Bumbo is a toilet

Keillor belying his true intention to destroy my olfactory sense

Sleeping, Sweet Sleeping

5:15—That’s what time my perfect little son woke up this morning. Not 3 a.m. Not 2 a.m. FIVE FIFTEEN. He went to bed at 8:30 p.m. That’s over eight hours. Yesterday, Emaline woke up at 4:15. Keillor was still asleep. This morning, Emaline woke up at 5:45. We are working towards our goal of 6:45. Just last week they were waking up in the middle of the night. Two weeks ago, we might have fed them twice in the middle of the night. Before that it was every three hours. Before that every two hours. Right now they are well-fed and swinging in their swings. Then it’s off to daycare with Miss Kay.


Keillor awaits his breakfast


Emaline imagines her life as a nun



Keillor enjoys bath time

Keillor poses for his Glamour Shot

Emaline rocks out in her bouncy seat

I Hate Hospitals

We continue to get bills from the birth of our children. We recently received an itemized bill which breaks down the $12900.39 it cost for our daughter to be born and, as best I can figure, the $4469.54 it cost for our son to be born. To be fair, she is bigger.
Among the descriptions are four charges for the newborn nursery, each $458.00. These are for the two hours or so Emaline spent in the nursery in the middle of the night. $458. $458. Did she at least get a continental breakfast and a gift certificate for the spa?
Keillor spent 24 in the newborn nursery under UV lights to lower his bilirubin level. Know how much they charged for that? Wait for it...$458. No, wait. There are also two charges for $26.19 for "Bilirubin Total." Is that a cereal for kids with jaundice? You only have to eat two bowls of Bilirubin Total to equal the amount of UV in 10 bowls of Bilirubin Raisin Bran.
You know who also sent us bills? The doctors at the hospital. That's right. We got billed by the doctors, too. Everyone has to get his.
We have to take Keillor to the pediatrician today for his congestion. It's then off to sell a kidney--mine, not his.

Running for Office

Inspired by watching CNN at Grammy and PawPaw's, Keillor decided that he wants to run for office. He tossed around the idea of local government, but "alderman" just doesn't have the right ring to it. He is going to run for the senate, and not the state senate. No, he's going federal.
He plans on unseating Mitch McConnell.
To prepare for his run, he asked me to shoot some publicity photos. He said he wanted to appear folksy yet patriotic.
In this first photo, he went for the misty-eyed dreamer who sees a bright future for America.

In this photo, he looks toward the moon, a symbol for man's future discoveries.

Keeping young and urban, he prepares for a fist-pound.

Pets VS Kids

We were always told that owning pets is good training for having kids. Boy, is this ever wrong. How?

1. Kids can’t use the litter box


2. You can’t bathe your kids outside with the hose (yet)


3. I’ve never had to wipe my dog’s rear end (of course, we have had to wipe the cat)


4. The kids refuse to eat out of a bowl on the floor


5. You can’t leave the kids at home while you go to a movie


6. Owning pets does not make your breasts sore


7. I do not have to burp my dog after she eats an ounce of food


8. If the dog wakes up every three hours, nobody cares


9. The dog’s never thrown up on my shoulder


10. The babies can’t sleep at the foot of the bed


11. Wrapping our pets up tightly does not make them go to sleep

The twins are 53 days old today. They have almost doubled their birth weight, are sleeping longer at night, and have found a way to make their poop stinkier. As I write this, I am in the guest room at Grammy and PawPaw Dee's house. Emaline is asleep on the bed next to her mommy (who is making their food). Keillor is eating his lunch. Uncle Tommy and Aunty Ruth just showed up. In a while, Gee Gee and Grandpa will be here, along with PawPaw Hal, Papa Cliff , MamMaw, Great Uncle Dave and Great Aunt Ro. Four generations together.

Our favorite times of the day:

1) In the morning when they wake up (and by morning, I mean the 6:30-8:30 part of the morning, not the 1:30-3:30 part), and the sun is out, and they are stretching and screwing up their faces, and letting out adult sounding farts. I just want to hug them and kiss all over their faces.
2) In the middle of the day when they are both sound asleep and I can get something accomplished.
3) Bath time, when they are warm and sudsy. They get this look of nirvana on their faces when we pour warm water on their bellies. Keillor is a huge fan of bathing.
4) When I am holding one of them and he or she is asleep, their calm little faces snuggled into the crook of my arm, their little arms dangling. Equally perfect are the times when they fall asleep on our chests. Sometimes Emaline will grab hold of one of my fingers and sleep holding it.
5) Monkey time. Monkey wears Keillor’s old clothes and tells him stories, tickles him, and makes him smile. Emaline’s not into Girl Monkey yet.
6) Reading time. When they are lying down staring at the Black and White books like they are the most amazing images ever created.
7) When we are feeding them, and they are staring up at us intently, and we just know they love us.

Keillor reads his book

Monkey time

Bath time

Little Miss Em in the bath

While the white noise machine is nice, I have found a new ally in the fight against babies who should be asleep but are awake and crying: the vacuum. While the initial blast of noise is startling, the song of the vacuum quickly soothes the savage tot. Crying ceases, peepers close, and the only sound is a really loud vacuum. OK, so this works best during the day when the rest of us are awake, and it shouldn’t be used for sleeplessness lasting longer than four hours, but as a quick fix, the vacuum is golden. As I type with one hand, listening to the tones of my Hoover upright, I am holding a calm reclining tot who just minutes ago was screaming bloody murder for no apparent reason. Oh, wait, no, it was because despite the fact that she just ate, she heard the sound of her mother pumping more white gold, tot tea.

Keillor Sneezes

A representative from the Jim Tate Talent Agency called this morning to let us know that a sound effects company wants to use Keillor's voice on their "Sounds of Babies" CD. We said yes, of course, because we are going through diapers faster than Bret Michaels through a bottle of Valtrex--thanks to Emaline's penchant for releasing a second and more deadly poop immediately after a diaper change (that's why we are going through diapers, not the Bret Michaels thing).

Keillor sneezes (track 2)

Got Milk?

We couldn't believe it when we got a call from the Dairy Board. Emaline has been asked to be a milk model. Not even Suri Cruise is a milk model. It seems that a rep from the ad campaign saw one of Emaline's towel shots in Parenting Magazine and called her agent, Jim Tate.

Jim said that Emaline would get more jobs for little girls if she stopped losing her hair. This has been an issue of late. She looks more like Captain Picard than a baby girl. He directed us to a baby wig store that specializes in wigs for baby pattern baldness. While we have taken a couple of them home to see how they wear, we have not made any final decisions.

Meanwhile, Keillor has been reading, reading, reading his Tana Hoban books. No matter how many times he reads the books, it's like he's reading it for the first time. We're not sure if he's just that intrigued or has poor short-term memory.
On the reality front, the twins went up to Lexington to see Uncle Brad and Aunt Erika. They had a great time. They also got to see the Guinness Book of World Records largest baby in the world, Paul Schmelzer, who, at five months, weighs in at 18 pounds. That is two Emalines. Henry is trying to catch up to his cousin and started putting Beefcake 5,000 in his breast milk. So far, it seems to be working.

The twins are gearing up for their trip down south to Alabama. Keillor has been practicing saying "Yes, ma'am" and "ya'll," while Emaline has been adding Mountain Dew to her milk. We are sort of dreading the long car ride with two infants who will need to eat and get a diaper change every three hours.

Black and White

Ellen Prasse gave us two books by Tana Hoban that are simply images in black and white. One of the books folds out. The twins are absolutely amazed by these books. The first time I opened up a book in front of Emaline, her eyes became silver dollars. She was mesmerized by the contrast and continued to stare at the book.

I opened one of them up and lay Keillor in front of it. He was equally impressed. Of course, after a while, they get over stimulated and must look away.
Emaline also discovered that she can swat at the dangly thing in her bouncy seat and it moves. I think that was more fun for me than it was for her.
At last weigh-in, Emaline was 8 lbs, 7 ounces. Keillor was 8 lbs, 1 ounce. I did weigh him after a meal though. They are finally beginning to fill out their car seats, which they have been using much more lately.
They have been to Aimee's office, the doctor, Aimee's doctor, and various other places where they just stayed in their car seats. Speaking of driving, we turned on a kid's radio station on Sirius and heard a song by Eric Stoltz (yes, the actor) called "Snuggle Puppy." Seriously.
We have also been taking them on daily walks around Wilmore either in their Bjorns or their stroller.
We bought a running stroller yesterday. Now all we need is one more and two babies who are big enough to fit in them comfortably.

The Many Faces of Keillor

The Underdog: Emaline at the Boxing Gym

More from Our Baby Journal

The twins are asleep, Aimee is watching tv, and here I am blogging. Here are more selections from our journal, which we are filling up fast.

6/24, 1:35 a.m.—…I opened the dishwasher…and steam billowed out; only it wasn’t just steam. It was also smoke. A closer inspection found a rubber nipple smoldering in the bottom of the dishwasher, melted to the heating element.

6/27, 6:39 p.m.—Despite having new babies, we continue to find projects to work on rather than catching up on rest. Joey is working on cleaning up the floors in our dining room for sanding.

6/29, 8:45 a.m.—We took our twins for their longest walk yet this morning, probably about two miles…The kids were making goose honking noises, so we turned around and came home.

7/1, 9:55 a.m.—Dr.’s office. Keillor weighs 7 lbs, 2 ounces, “like a real baby,” says Aimee. “You know what it is? Ice cream. Mommy’s milk has lots of ice cream fat.”

7/3 10:36 a.m.—The twins are not so fond of the Pack-N-Play anymore. When we put them down to sleep in it, they will stay wide awake, tossing and turning. Eventually the screaming will start.
Yesterday we stayed in the living room and slept with the babies of and on all day long. We thought this would allow them to sleep better and allow us to get more sleep, thus making our middle-of-the-night routine easier. We were wrong.

7/3, 12:42 p.m.—You know you have infant twins when:
1) You put your deodorant on your shirt instead of your underarm (Joey did this, but at least he remembered to put on deodorant).
2) Going back to work sounds like a vacation.
3) You have been sprayed with poop so many times you just have to laugh.
5) You don’t know whether your baby is crying or your husband.

7/6, 9:01 a.m.—Today is their due date. If they were still in there today Aimee would have almost 16 pounds of baby in her.

Below is a video of the twins. It is really way too long and is more like a middle school kid using all of the features of Windows Movie Maker. I would stop watching it after about 30 seconds if I were you. Still...

The Many Faces of Emaline

Keillor screams like a banshee. Emaline waits to poop until after her diaper is off. Keillor gets horrible gas pains and can't sleep on his back (or his front). Emaline makes noises constantly while she sleeps. Keillor cannot be soothed the same way twice. Emaline challenges the 5 S's to a cage match. Sometimes they want to eat every hour, no matter how much we feed them. They can go from sleeping soundly to screaming in .5 seconds. They know exactly when we want to take a nap. We are exhausted.

Keillor grins like a pirate. Emaline crosses her eyes when she eats. Keillor likes to sleep on our stomachs. Emaline grabs her bottle when she eats. Keillor looks like a monkey when I hold him on my arm. Emaline’s huge eyes are hidden by her long eyelashes. Sometimes they smile and we’re sure it’s not gas. They can be loaded up into Bjorns to go on long walks. They know exactly when we want to be reminded how lucky we are. We are in love.

Here is a video of Emaline. One of Keillor is in the works.

What Do You Do?

What do you do with footage of babies being babies? Jazz them up a bit. I carried Emaline around with the video camera for a while. When I watched it, I was like, "Oh, great, it's my daughter doing nothing while some jerk shoves a camera in her face."
Then I thought, I could make this work.

Cherishing Every Minute

Aimee and I are always reminding each other how perfect it was that the twins were born at the beginning of the summer. We are both able to be home with them. This may mean one of us gets to nap a little longer, or one can go to the grocery store. It allows us to update this blog, and video the kids. This morning Aimee worked out the yard while I fed the babies. Yesterday, I bathed the dog while she fed the babies. We get to have shared memories of their first couple of months of life. Lucky, lucky.

Because the twins are so advanced, they have been able to take on adult responsibilities such as Keillor's acting and space travel, and Emaline's modeling and boxing. We have been criticized for letting them grow up too quickly, but we feel that we need to grab these opportunities as they come. I know the twins feel the same.

The Gemini that Emaline is, she has dropped boxing and has gone back to modeling, filming this ad for the baby perfume (Eu du petite toilette) Baby Face. Please enjoy.

Keillor's in Space, Emaline's in the Ring

Inspired by his David Bowie onesie, Keillor has decided that he wants to be an astrotot. Of course, when he went on his first voyage, he didn’t just bring the one outfit, but many ch-ch-ch-changes. We sent him with SpaceMilk, which is really just freeze-dried breast milk that comes in a vacuum pack. He discovered that he could use his Dr. Brown’s vented bottle to transmit data back to earth. We hope to hear from him soon. Click on the image below to enlarge.

On the Emaline front, she has given up baby modeling for a more full-contact career in tot boxing. She was inspired by her mommy’s skills at Wii boxing. A member of the BBLA, Baby Boxing League of America, she is set to fight the World Diaperweight Champion, Lila “The Queen” King. Aimee almost put the kibosh on the whole boxing thing after Emaline came home with a black eye (The black eye is courtesy of Photoshop--Aimee made me put that), a diamond earring, and a tattoo, but she just looks so darn cute.