Monday, June 22, 2009

Week Four Begins

We saw Adrian's and Patricia's blog, Boston LeBuffes, so we decided to create one of our own. We're totally copying the cool kids.
Tomorrow marks the beginning of the twins' fourth week with us, and they aren't even due until July 6th. We tried sticking them back in, but since they came out through the emergency exit, a four-inch slit in Aimee's belly, we couldn't use the main entrance. Aimee just reminded me that this blog might be viewed by our parents, co-workers, and friends, so I can't use dirty words.
This is the perfect forum for all of the advice that parents like to give future parents but that future parents either don't want to or don't need to hear. We can also class-up the internet with photos of our tots, who are looking less like shaved monkeys and more like humans.
For our first post, I will share some highlights from our baby journal:
6/2/09, 12:01 a.m.--We are at UK Hospital. At about 11:10, Aimee's water broke.
8:13 a.m.--Aimee got to use a bedpan for the first time.
5:29 p.m.--Turns out Dr. Teenager didn't measure right the first time, but nurse Courtney said Aimee is 3 cm dilated now.
7:24 p.m.--We scheduled a c-section
11:50 p.m.--I was going to sleep but every noise sends me straight up in "bed." They were born at 8:13 and 8:16.
6/3/09, 10:40 p.m.--...Then there's La Femme Nikita, who is trying to steal Keillor from us. I can't get him to eat 15 ml, but La Femme Nikita can get him to eat 20. I think she's secretly breastfeeding him.
6/5/09, 6:40 a.m.--Phew. We got some sleep last night. Personality Plus brought the babies to the nursery at about 10:45 and didn't bring them back until right before 6.
11:00 a.m.--Keillor's Billy Reuben level is up. They have him under a blue light to prevent jaundice. Aimee calls it Malibu.
12:45 p.m.--I have given them nicknames: Emaline is Button, and Keillor is Bug, 'cause she's cute as a button and he's cute as a bug. Don't judge. I'm still a man.
6/7/09, 10:02 a.m.--We got released from the hospital yesterday afternoon. When we got home, we had cat puke, animal fur, bills. We then had to figure out how to live without nurses, get sleep, and try to live normal lives.
6/8/09--First Trip to the Doctor--We went to see Dr. Wilson today. She gave the twins a once-over, declared them fit for service, and sent us on our way.
6/10, 3:43 a.m.--So sleepy. Keillor peed through yet another diaper (Huggies! You Goonies!), sleep sack, and swaddling blanket. Then during his feeding, he pooped the runniest yellow mess ever, only to follow that up with a mid-changing poop that was even runnier.
6/12, 10:45 a.m.--We have regained birth weight.
10:29 p.m.--There is a great deal of anticipation and excitement that comes with pregnancy. This is still present during parenthood, more so than during pregnancy, but your mind just has to adjust to the whole thing...My love for Keillor and Emaline is already so great despite their being only 11 days old.
6/13/09, 7:56 p.m.--They both lost their umbilical cords today.
6/16/09, 9:15 a.m.--Dr. Straub said of Keillor's penis, "Keep Vaseline on the end of his bird until he's in college or out of diapers."
6/17/09, 6:48 a.m.--Last night was awful. Horrible. Please don't make us go through that again. OK, so no one was sick or got hurt or anything like that, but no one slept either. They were up every hour, crying, hungry, dirty diapers.
6/18/09, 3:10 a.m.--It happened again. We both woke up believing that we were holding babies. Aimee was sitting straight up in bed looking down at an invisible baby.
10:09 a.m.--Aimee said this morning, "I haven't cried in a few days."
1:30 p.m.--In a stupor last night, after hearing our kids make their chirping sounds, we realized why the sounds were so familiar: it is Riverspeak, the native language of the Ohio Valley River People. It is a scary realization when at 1:30 in the morning, you figure out that you may have spawned a river child, one of the most feared feral children of the midwest.
6/21/09, 9 a.m.--We are officially bad parents. One of the first rules of responsible parenting is not to fall asleep with the baby, either holding the baby or with the baby on your chest, or feeding the baby. We've done all three.
11:00 a.m.--I need to remember that I will make mistakes, but if I love my children, they will grow up to be happy, healthy human beings...and then we can blow up this planet and fly home.

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