Letters to Mommy 4

Mommy,

Can I go to the beach? Daddy said if I don't lie down and go to bed I can't go to the beach. Can I go to the beach?

We went to the beach in the morning today and we saw a big crab. Laurel Ann catched the crab and put it in a bucket. We digged a river for the crab and my boat. Emaline and Daddy made castles and I broke them with my choo choos. Daddy said to stop but I didn't. Emaline said, "Break your own castle, Keillor," so...

Emaline asked Daddy if we could get in the water, but I didn't want to get in the water because I don't like it, Mommy. I told Daddy to pick me up. Emaline runned right into the water. She's not scared of anything. Then I got so scared I had to go potty, so I told Daddy I had to go potty.

On the way back, we had to walk near ant beds. I don't like ants, Mommy. I got really scared, but Daddy wouldn't pick me up. Emaline just ran right through the ants. I didn't want to walk near the ants. Daddy said to walk fast, but I couldn't move. Daddy held my hand, but I was still scared. Daddy said it was OK, but it wasn't OK. The ants were coming after me, Mommy, They wanted to bite my legs. I cried, Mommy, I cried a lot. I even cried when I went potty.

Then I saw a cookie in Daddy's hand. "What is that, Daddy?" I asked. He said it was a cookie. He let me eat it. I don't like ants.

I wanted to go back to the beach. "Are Judie and Rod coming?" I asked Daddy. "Judie and Rod? You mean Grandmommy and Granddaddy?"
"Are they coming?"
"Yes."

Why do some people have two names, Mommy?

After our nap we went to the tide pools to get our swim suits dirty and give Daddy a heart attack. Emaline looked like she pooped, but Daddy said not to talk like that, but she did look like she pooped, so...

At bed time, I didn't want to go to bed, so I kept jumping in my bed. Daddy said if I didnt go to bed, we couldn't go to the beach tomorrow. We are already at the beach, but I didn't say that because Daddy was mad. He said we got to eat dinner and it was his turn. Then he took my blanket and said I couldn't get it back until I laid down and closed my eyes. Emaline said, "Daddy, can Keillor get his blanket back? Please." I think she wanted to go to sleep.

Daddy had a bunch of funny things to say in my voice, but he can't remember and he's tired.

Olive you and miss you.

Love,
Keillor

Letters to Mommy 3

Dear Mommy,

We got to Jackyl Island today. I said I wanted to go to the beach. Daddy said we could. Keillor said he wanted to go to the jungle. Daddy said we could do that, too. He said Jackyl Island has a beach and a jungle.

After riding the in the car for a long time, we got to the beach. Daddy said, "There's the beach." I said, "Can we got to there?" Daddy laughed and said yes. It was raining, so we didn't have to wear suntan lotion. Grandmommy and Granddaddy got us kites to play with and toys for making sand castles. I'm going to make a little beautiful princess castle and Keillor is going to make a great big queen castle.

Daddy took us to the ocean in our clothes and told us not to get wet. We got wet. We got very wet. Keillor and I found little mountains to climb. They are on the beach with little rivers all around them. It was scary and I almost fell in. Then I fell in. Thenn Keillor fell in. Daddy said, "OK, alright....well, OK, let's just....OK." I think he was frusterated.

We came back to Grandmommy's house and got in the shower to get the sand off. Daddy put us in our swimsuits. Daddy said, "Why didn't I do this earlier?"

We went back out to the beach again and brought our tools for making castles. Daddy brought a kite. I asked Daddy if we could get wet and he said, "You were going to anyway." How did he know? We made castles, but Keillor broke mine. Daddy made a crocodile, but Keillor broke it. Daddy dropped his kite and it ran away from him. He ran after it and caught it. "You are fast, Daddy," I said. He said thank you. Daddy was using his manners like a good daddy.
We wanted to play on the beach for longer, but Daddy said it was after our bed time so we had to go home.
We ate paskettios for dinner, and we took a bath. Daddy said the water was yellow, but Grandmommy said it was just the tub. Daddy said, "If you say so."

After we got our jammies on, Keillor found an ant and threw it in the toilet. Daddy said it wasn't an ant. He said it was a cockroach and he hade Keillor wash his hands. He said not to touch any bugs inside the house.
We read a new Thomas story and a new animals story that Grandmommy and Granddaddy got us and then we went to bed. Keillor said he had to go poo poo, and Daddy said he didn't believe him, but Keillor said he really had to go. Keiller went, and Daddy said he guessed Keiller really had to go.

We tried to got to sleep, but Mulligan and Lizzie kept barking and barking. I could hear Daddy getting frusterated. I think he misses you, Mommy. I miss you, too.

Love,

Emaline

Letters to Mommy 2

Hey, Mommy.
Emaline cut my finger off. Daddy said she didn't, but she did. Yes, you did, Emaline. Shut up. No. No....

OK, I'm back. I had to go to time out. Sorry, Emaline.

It's my turn to tell you what we did yesterday. We went swimming, Mommy, in a big pool, with other kids. Um, Skylie, and, um, Jason, and, ,um, Skylie and Jason, and, um, Michael Connor.

But first we played in the little pool with Grammy and Daddy. Daddy told me not to splash water out of the pool or pour water out of the pool with my blue cup, but I wasn't. No, I wasn't, Emaline.

Then we got dressed and helped Grammy and Mommy, I mean Daddy clean the big big pool. It was very dirty and smelled like poo poo. I didn't say poo poo, Emaline. Stop it. Daddy, Emaline said poo poo. I don't need to calm down. OK, I calm, Daddy. I calm.

Grammy let us get in the pool to help clean it. It was fun, Mommy. We slid in the brown water and Daddy said he shouldn't have taken our swimsuits off. Then we played in the sprinkler. It was a beach ball. We are going to the beach today, Mommy. I want Mommy to be at the beach.

We took a long nap, and when we got up, we played in the big pool with the other kids. It had a little but of water in it, but not brown. We splashed and runned, and Daddy didn't put us in time out. Jason poured water on Emaline's face, and Grammy said not to do that. She said Jason is too rowdy. I want a big pool at my house, Mommy.

After swimming, we watched a robot movie, and it was fun. Then we had dinner time, and I ate all my chicken and carrots and corn and green beans and mashed totatoes, but I did not get ice cream because I had ice cream after lunch time, but Emaline didn't, but Emaline had ice cream later. She had banilla and I had chocolate.

We took a bath in Grammy's bath, and I washed my hair.

At bed time, Daddy read a new story that Grammy gave us about salalanders, and I almost falled asleep, but I didn't. No, I didn't Emaline. Then Daddy read Kissing Hand and we miss you.

We went to sleep and woke up at 5:30. Daddy said everyone else was asleep, but I said they were awake, but Daddy said no.

Love,

Keillor.

P.S. Kissing Hand.

Dear Mommy, Keillor hit me. We wanted to play in the same Pack n Play, and he got too rough. But that just happened a minute ago. That's not why I was writing. I wanted to tell you about our trip. Daddy wanted to leave by 8 o'clock (really?), but we dumped out all of our toys and wouldn't put on our shoes and ran off with our toothbrushes. Keillor and I prefer a later departure. We were in the car by 8:30. Did I mention that Daddy didn't make us go potty? He did ask once we were in the car if we needed to go, but what were we supposed to say? Anyway, Daddy said that on the way to Grammy and PawPaw's, we would stop at resternauts to go potty, so right as we got out of town, Keillor said he had to go potty. Daddy was frusterated, but he stopped at a gas station so we could go. What a good Daddy. I asked if I could take good giraffe with me, but he said no. There was a man in the bathroom, so we had to wait. When he came out, he left a smell behind. Keillor said it smelled like poo poo. Daddy said not to say that. Keillor went pee pee, but I had to poop, so I did. Daddy looked frusterated again. We washed our hands, but Daddy wouldn't let us dry them on the black towel. I don't know why. We were back on the road. We had all sorts of fun in the car. We played with our magna doodles for about ten seconds, listened to the Backyardigans, and fell asleep. When we woke up, Daddy said we could go to our favorite resternaut. I said I wanted to eat mac and cheese; Keillor said he wanted chicken. We were so hungry. We went potty first. Daddy told us to keep our hands to ourselves and not to grab the pretty pink ball out of the wall potty. An old man came in and Keillor liked his wallet so he told the old man he liked his wallet, but I don't think he heard Keillor because he just smiled. The nice lady in the apron said that it wasn't dinner time yet, so we couldn't eat chicken and mac and cheese. I said it was lunch time and not dinner. She said all they had was breakfast. I wanted oatmeal. She said they were out of oatmeal. Daddy looked frusterated. Our pancakes were yummy, and Daddy got us yogurt, too. On the way out, we barely touched any toys and we said thank you to Cracker Barrel, even though the biscuits were crusty. Instead of napping in the car, Keillor and I yelled and picked on each other. Keillor had to go to time out three times for saying "shut up." We don't say that, do we, Mommy? I had to go to time out because I was screaming and Daddy told me to stop screaming but I didn't stop screaming. Daddy was frusterated, but I told him it's OK. When we got into the city, there were a lot of cars. Daddy said nobody knows how to drive. I told him, "it's OK, Daddy. We're going to Grammy and PawPaw's and then to the beach." When we got to Grammy and PawPaw's, Daddy was tired. "Are you exhausted, Daddy?" I asked. He said yes. Keillor and I were excited. We ran to Grammy and PawPaw and got great big hugs. I asked if we could have candy. Daddy said maybe later. I know what that means. It means no. We ate all of our dinner and got apple sauce for dessert. When it was time for nigh' night, Keillor put on his tiger jammies. We tried not to sleep, but we were very tired. Daddy turned on the TV, but not to watch cartoons. All that came out was sound machine noise. The next thing I knew, it was 5:30 in the morning. Time to wake up Daddy. We're going to have fun adventures every day. I'll tell you all about them. Love, Emaline. P.S. In the car, Keillor and I played resternaut. He asked me if I wanted to eat pee pee and poo poo. Daddy said we don't talk like that, but I think he was laughing. P.P.S. I miss you.

A Modeling Career Ignites

The Schmookies met with famed portrait photog Lindsey Mulcahy for a private sitting. Mulcahy, who is best known for her photos of the social elite, along with her pro bono work with local animal shelters, was charmed by the twins during what has come to be known as the photo shoot of the decade.

Emaline being coy

A rare moment of hand-holding

Keillor shows off his new look, "Blue Steel"

The camera just loves her

Playful

An innocent kiss on the nose or the sharing of a cold?

"Show me CUTE"

The cover to the coffee table book about Emaline's life

Bad News Maus

Well, it happened again. The youngins went and got themselves arrested . They were out at the park riding their trikes when somebody made a comment about Emaline's "boy jammies."
One thing led to another and before I knew it, they were getting their monthly mugshots taken. Emaline pulled a Nick Nolte while Keillor told the lady taking the picture where she could stick it: "right up your nodstrell, lady."
Aimee and I knew we weren't going to have normal kids, but this takes the cake.

Holy Flushing Sh...

I know that the second I publish this, the very instant that another human being reads it, one of my kids will wet his or her pants, but I am going to say it because I have been holding off for too long. We're potty trained. We are so potty trained that there hasn't been an accident in over three weeks. We're so potty trained that when we drove to Tennessee, no one peed in the van. We're so potty trained that the two midgets who look like Aimee and me actually tell us when they have to go to the bathroom. Sometimes they even lie and tell us they have to go when they don't.
We are not so potty trained that the twins can make it through the night dry, but they can take dry naps. Last night, Keillor refused to where his "night night pants," so I said what the heck and let him wear his underpants. While he did wet the bed, he made sure to wake up at 6 a.m. and announce that he needed to go to the bathroom. That's something, right?
BTW, check out the December posting below. It's sort of new.

We are so potty trained that we drove through Cade's Cove without an accident

We are so potty trained that we walked around downtown Gatlinburg without an accident