Running for Office

Inspired by watching CNN at Grammy and PawPaw's, Keillor decided that he wants to run for office. He tossed around the idea of local government, but "alderman" just doesn't have the right ring to it. He is going to run for the senate, and not the state senate. No, he's going federal.
He plans on unseating Mitch McConnell.
To prepare for his run, he asked me to shoot some publicity photos. He said he wanted to appear folksy yet patriotic.
In this first photo, he went for the misty-eyed dreamer who sees a bright future for America.

In this photo, he looks toward the moon, a symbol for man's future discoveries.

Keeping young and urban, he prepares for a fist-pound.

Pets VS Kids

We were always told that owning pets is good training for having kids. Boy, is this ever wrong. How?

1. Kids can’t use the litter box


2. You can’t bathe your kids outside with the hose (yet)


3. I’ve never had to wipe my dog’s rear end (of course, we have had to wipe the cat)


4. The kids refuse to eat out of a bowl on the floor


5. You can’t leave the kids at home while you go to a movie


6. Owning pets does not make your breasts sore


7. I do not have to burp my dog after she eats an ounce of food


8. If the dog wakes up every three hours, nobody cares


9. The dog’s never thrown up on my shoulder


10. The babies can’t sleep at the foot of the bed


11. Wrapping our pets up tightly does not make them go to sleep

The twins are 53 days old today. They have almost doubled their birth weight, are sleeping longer at night, and have found a way to make their poop stinkier. As I write this, I am in the guest room at Grammy and PawPaw Dee's house. Emaline is asleep on the bed next to her mommy (who is making their food). Keillor is eating his lunch. Uncle Tommy and Aunty Ruth just showed up. In a while, Gee Gee and Grandpa will be here, along with PawPaw Hal, Papa Cliff , MamMaw, Great Uncle Dave and Great Aunt Ro. Four generations together.

Our favorite times of the day:

1) In the morning when they wake up (and by morning, I mean the 6:30-8:30 part of the morning, not the 1:30-3:30 part), and the sun is out, and they are stretching and screwing up their faces, and letting out adult sounding farts. I just want to hug them and kiss all over their faces.
2) In the middle of the day when they are both sound asleep and I can get something accomplished.
3) Bath time, when they are warm and sudsy. They get this look of nirvana on their faces when we pour warm water on their bellies. Keillor is a huge fan of bathing.
4) When I am holding one of them and he or she is asleep, their calm little faces snuggled into the crook of my arm, their little arms dangling. Equally perfect are the times when they fall asleep on our chests. Sometimes Emaline will grab hold of one of my fingers and sleep holding it.
5) Monkey time. Monkey wears Keillor’s old clothes and tells him stories, tickles him, and makes him smile. Emaline’s not into Girl Monkey yet.
6) Reading time. When they are lying down staring at the Black and White books like they are the most amazing images ever created.
7) When we are feeding them, and they are staring up at us intently, and we just know they love us.

Keillor reads his book

Monkey time

Bath time

Little Miss Em in the bath

While the white noise machine is nice, I have found a new ally in the fight against babies who should be asleep but are awake and crying: the vacuum. While the initial blast of noise is startling, the song of the vacuum quickly soothes the savage tot. Crying ceases, peepers close, and the only sound is a really loud vacuum. OK, so this works best during the day when the rest of us are awake, and it shouldn’t be used for sleeplessness lasting longer than four hours, but as a quick fix, the vacuum is golden. As I type with one hand, listening to the tones of my Hoover upright, I am holding a calm reclining tot who just minutes ago was screaming bloody murder for no apparent reason. Oh, wait, no, it was because despite the fact that she just ate, she heard the sound of her mother pumping more white gold, tot tea.

Keillor Sneezes

A representative from the Jim Tate Talent Agency called this morning to let us know that a sound effects company wants to use Keillor's voice on their "Sounds of Babies" CD. We said yes, of course, because we are going through diapers faster than Bret Michaels through a bottle of Valtrex--thanks to Emaline's penchant for releasing a second and more deadly poop immediately after a diaper change (that's why we are going through diapers, not the Bret Michaels thing).

Keillor sneezes (track 2)

Got Milk?

We couldn't believe it when we got a call from the Dairy Board. Emaline has been asked to be a milk model. Not even Suri Cruise is a milk model. It seems that a rep from the ad campaign saw one of Emaline's towel shots in Parenting Magazine and called her agent, Jim Tate.

Jim said that Emaline would get more jobs for little girls if she stopped losing her hair. This has been an issue of late. She looks more like Captain Picard than a baby girl. He directed us to a baby wig store that specializes in wigs for baby pattern baldness. While we have taken a couple of them home to see how they wear, we have not made any final decisions.

Meanwhile, Keillor has been reading, reading, reading his Tana Hoban books. No matter how many times he reads the books, it's like he's reading it for the first time. We're not sure if he's just that intrigued or has poor short-term memory.
On the reality front, the twins went up to Lexington to see Uncle Brad and Aunt Erika. They had a great time. They also got to see the Guinness Book of World Records largest baby in the world, Paul Schmelzer, who, at five months, weighs in at 18 pounds. That is two Emalines. Henry is trying to catch up to his cousin and started putting Beefcake 5,000 in his breast milk. So far, it seems to be working.

The twins are gearing up for their trip down south to Alabama. Keillor has been practicing saying "Yes, ma'am" and "ya'll," while Emaline has been adding Mountain Dew to her milk. We are sort of dreading the long car ride with two infants who will need to eat and get a diaper change every three hours.

Black and White

Ellen Prasse gave us two books by Tana Hoban that are simply images in black and white. One of the books folds out. The twins are absolutely amazed by these books. The first time I opened up a book in front of Emaline, her eyes became silver dollars. She was mesmerized by the contrast and continued to stare at the book.

I opened one of them up and lay Keillor in front of it. He was equally impressed. Of course, after a while, they get over stimulated and must look away.
Emaline also discovered that she can swat at the dangly thing in her bouncy seat and it moves. I think that was more fun for me than it was for her.
At last weigh-in, Emaline was 8 lbs, 7 ounces. Keillor was 8 lbs, 1 ounce. I did weigh him after a meal though. They are finally beginning to fill out their car seats, which they have been using much more lately.
They have been to Aimee's office, the doctor, Aimee's doctor, and various other places where they just stayed in their car seats. Speaking of driving, we turned on a kid's radio station on Sirius and heard a song by Eric Stoltz (yes, the actor) called "Snuggle Puppy." Seriously.
We have also been taking them on daily walks around Wilmore either in their Bjorns or their stroller.
We bought a running stroller yesterday. Now all we need is one more and two babies who are big enough to fit in them comfortably.

The Many Faces of Keillor

The Underdog: Emaline at the Boxing Gym

More from Our Baby Journal

The twins are asleep, Aimee is watching tv, and here I am blogging. Here are more selections from our journal, which we are filling up fast.

6/24, 1:35 a.m.—…I opened the dishwasher…and steam billowed out; only it wasn’t just steam. It was also smoke. A closer inspection found a rubber nipple smoldering in the bottom of the dishwasher, melted to the heating element.

6/27, 6:39 p.m.—Despite having new babies, we continue to find projects to work on rather than catching up on rest. Joey is working on cleaning up the floors in our dining room for sanding.

6/29, 8:45 a.m.—We took our twins for their longest walk yet this morning, probably about two miles…The kids were making goose honking noises, so we turned around and came home.

7/1, 9:55 a.m.—Dr.’s office. Keillor weighs 7 lbs, 2 ounces, “like a real baby,” says Aimee. “You know what it is? Ice cream. Mommy’s milk has lots of ice cream fat.”

7/3 10:36 a.m.—The twins are not so fond of the Pack-N-Play anymore. When we put them down to sleep in it, they will stay wide awake, tossing and turning. Eventually the screaming will start.
Yesterday we stayed in the living room and slept with the babies of and on all day long. We thought this would allow them to sleep better and allow us to get more sleep, thus making our middle-of-the-night routine easier. We were wrong.

7/3, 12:42 p.m.—You know you have infant twins when:
1) You put your deodorant on your shirt instead of your underarm (Joey did this, but at least he remembered to put on deodorant).
2) Going back to work sounds like a vacation.
3) You have been sprayed with poop so many times you just have to laugh.
5) You don’t know whether your baby is crying or your husband.

7/6, 9:01 a.m.—Today is their due date. If they were still in there today Aimee would have almost 16 pounds of baby in her.

Below is a video of the twins. It is really way too long and is more like a middle school kid using all of the features of Windows Movie Maker. I would stop watching it after about 30 seconds if I were you. Still...

The Many Faces of Emaline

Keillor screams like a banshee. Emaline waits to poop until after her diaper is off. Keillor gets horrible gas pains and can't sleep on his back (or his front). Emaline makes noises constantly while she sleeps. Keillor cannot be soothed the same way twice. Emaline challenges the 5 S's to a cage match. Sometimes they want to eat every hour, no matter how much we feed them. They can go from sleeping soundly to screaming in .5 seconds. They know exactly when we want to take a nap. We are exhausted.

Keillor grins like a pirate. Emaline crosses her eyes when she eats. Keillor likes to sleep on our stomachs. Emaline grabs her bottle when she eats. Keillor looks like a monkey when I hold him on my arm. Emaline’s huge eyes are hidden by her long eyelashes. Sometimes they smile and we’re sure it’s not gas. They can be loaded up into Bjorns to go on long walks. They know exactly when we want to be reminded how lucky we are. We are in love.

Here is a video of Emaline. One of Keillor is in the works.